webcam2*

playing webcam with her now , fuck she's so adorable when she do all those faces . the faces that I missed and yeah . She blew me away :) I love u Nadirah.

webcam*

she opened her webcam and my heart beats fast and faster for no reason . heh .

webcam*

Best Love Movie*

Ok honestly am telling you that am not seriously into Malay's Scary Movie , Love Movie but I do into with Malay's Comedy . Seriously Scary Movie and Love movie is the most pathetic movie that they ever done . seriously . but somehow . today and tonight . Ahmad Idham the director just proved to me that Malay's Love Story Movie is the best :) "SYURGA CINTA"

Syurga Cinta has been created by MIG production and the director of Syurga Cinta which is Ahmad Idham . The story is about this one man(awal) who live with his very social life until one day his friends dare and bet 5k for him to tackle a girl which is pure Islamic Woman(Heliza Aftatau:P ) that wearing " tudung" .He have to break her heart infront of them and they give him 1month only to tackle that girl Than one of his friend showed the "tudung" woman and suddenly he falling in love at the first sight . haha . and after that they know each other very well and the woman teached him everything about Islam and stuff until he became a good nice and Half Islamic Man . and his life totally changed . but at the end of the which is end of the month . Awal have to break her heart infront of his friends and finally he did it . pergh . After that he regret what he has done to her and found that his life was empty and nothing without that girl and finally he go and get that girl and ask for forgiveness . and yeah at the end of the movie .. He propose that girl and yeah finissssssssssssshhh ... haha Wtv it is . THUMBS UP *

Best Love Movies*

went out*

go go go back home . its late :P . haha yes am home now . hahaha. just arrived home from ou - sunway .. since afternoon I left my house and I went to ou with Irwan . haha . fuck jam gila sial ou . cam siot . there's alot of people shopping there at Jusco because today is a Jusco member's day . So fucking full downstairs. but fine wtv . We walked and jalan jalan kt ou cam orang bodoh smua and ate BK until Full . haha den after that , waiting for my sister from her office IBM . We met a Tgv and went back home . aha but after we reached my house . My sister and I had a big fight . " jgnla macam macam.. I want to use your car " .." NO . NOT MY CAR . USE mom's car" ... " dont u dare fight with me .. Yap yang isi minyak so jgn mengade " haha at last she gave up . HAAH . so big HAAHAH with Irwan after that. haha 9.00 we arrived at pyramid and met Irwan's friend . and he gave us "MASUK FREE" wayang . haha :P fuck man then we watched "SYURGA CINTA" .haha

spike*

sitting here all bymyself at restoran rumahku near by tasik kelana jaya is the best feeling ever. its like so calm and the breeze .. pergh . layaann . but the sad part is ... its going to close soon . ive got another 30mins b4 they close this restoran . but what can I do . I came late .. heh . :)

kusut*

urggggggggggggggggggghhh fuck man . there's alots of problems that ruined my life now . its make me hard to survive . babi ahhhh ! lepas satu , satu masalah . pukimak setan babi ! aaaaaaaaaaahhh sakit gila sial hati ,, pukimaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakkkkkkkk .. that's so not fair oke ! semua cam pukimak je . i cant take it all by myself . need someone to be there and hold me :( I really really need someone right now to talk . I need someone that really really know me deep inside of my heart. actually i really really need her ! the one that i can call my bestfriend and everything . but she's not here and i just made her mad at me last night ;( . I didnt mean too .. but what can i do . I have to try to handle all it by myself la :O . urghhh ... Oh god . please give me the strength . I really really need it :S pleaseee?

heart*

A day seems like so fast and night seems like so long . I'm thinking about the way she smile.. the way she kissed .. the way she always do something cute . the way she always do adorable faces when she's angry sad and those pretty face. haha I guess it's still the same . She looked adorable in every faces that she do . Somehow . It has been so long I didnt see all those pretty faces. I guess I missed it so bad . I missed the way she hugged me , the way she teased me , the way she laugh . haha . she's cute and so adorable when you really really so into her . She's different . way way diff from other girls out there. She's got alots of cute faces, walking style . haha . it's complicated . only me . who knows her very well . what's the best for her and what's not . She's perfect in every way . yeah . am asking myself . what's up with this cute lilttle shorty ? why am so into her . why I still cannot forget about her ?

why?

I guess I've found the answer.She's different . Different gila . and something pulled me about this girl , it's hard to explain in this blog . Deep inside my heart. There's only girl that can do anything to this guy ! She can blow away egos , take my breathe away and many more . She's the one who really really important to me . Maybe Im still weak now . Weak about this love story ! because she's my weaknesses . haha. OMG she's so powerfull man . There's nothing can stop me from loving that pendek ., but IF .. If one day . One this beautiful girl appears from nowhere and take my breathe away .. maybe that time I'll stop from loving Maizatul Nadirah . but if there's one wish that I could wish .. I would wish that Maizatul Nadirah will be my everything . I mean .. She can always be mine and I wanna live with her until the day I die . IF I COULD la kn .. but as you know . Like I always say . that I was born into this world .. for Love Care Cherish every moment with Maizatul Nadirah .. I would die and I would take a bullet for you . And hell yeah . Im taking and into drugs now.my drugs is her because She's my drug . my favv drug . :) comes with package. hihi ,but somehow . She always make me happy but at the same time , She makes me sad . and am in sorrowful moment now because of her . heh.

Maizatul Nadirah ,
Do you know , everyday and the rest of your life , There's someone that wouldnt stop loving you and care about you eventhough he had a bad moments just to care and make you happy? The guy that spent his time just to comfort you everyday eventhough he's busy.. The guy who doesnt even care about his feeling when you talked about something that can break his heart?

but

Just listen and read this ,,
the guy who will wait you in a rain just to be there for you
the guy who couldnt fight the egos and surrended his heart just to call and hear your voice?
the guy who care cherish and love you every min and sec his life .
the guy who will go and make surprise for you when he have a chance to do it
the guy who care about your feeling and even couldnt hurt your feeling eventhough lilbit
the guy would do everything and anything just for you . only you


The guy that thinks that you are his strength and weaknesses .. that guy is me . Muhammad Asraf.

hurting*

I just got back back from hexagon cc Aman Suria . Playing dota and trying to cheer up myself and trying to forget what happened just now . I guess it hurt me . Felt unappreciated . Am wondering myself . Am I doing the right thing ? Did I fooling myself by doing that? hah . its hard to tell . All messed up . I even couldnt sleep since yesterday . thinking about you. think what's the best for you. and still trying to take your back . why why and why ? about just now . Babe, is it hard for you to put all those stuff on the ground and just hug me on the spot ? Is it hard for you to do that ? I just wanted it so bad beacause if you hug me ..it will be nice for me and I can feel that you're really2 appreciate what I have done . ok I know that you appreciated it . but .. umph . I sakit hati sangat . tatau asal . and you dont even mention about the bracelet and the cake and the teddy . urgh . Babe you know I've through hard time today just to buy all those present for you? Last night I couldnt sleep just to think about what am I going to do about ur surprise . heh . and now I dont even know what am thinking. I even couldnt think proper . urgh ... I went to cyberjaya and wanted to do surprise birthday for you . but at the end of the day ? " ow awak I kat bawah hostel you . cyberia " den you replied? " ow oke" "hahbetul ke" ? . You didnt even get excited about that . haah? I thought you will be happy or what , but .. heh . pastu you turun bawah and met me with your friends . and I thought oke . . she's here . omg omg what am going to do ? should I hug or what . oke fine . tape la . tayah hug la . dia ngan kawan dia . after that .. we met and talk talk forawhile and I bagi barang kt you . Babe . cant you see that time I need you ? I need your hug . just 1 hug dacukup bagi I . Im in a problem .. cant you see in my eyes? or you tak kenal I ? bila i ada problem bila i tak ? heh ... tatau ah ape i tulis ni . hah . but the question and the bottom line is . why? why u always do this to me ? I susah gila oke nk pegi cyberjaya . but i pergi jgak utk buat surprise for my shorty , its oke for me utk susah for u . but u ? at least la kn . at least. please ahh . hang around and talk to me for 10 mins or what . ni tak . u always penting kn ur friends smua , but im not blaming u on that . and maybe ure in the middle of something and i kacau . but hey , can you freeze that and jmpa i kejap ? talk to me ? but entah la . I pon tatau nk cakap ape lagi . its hard for me to say , but now ... ape i sedih sangat ni is . you tak mention about the bracelet and the cake and the teddy, and u tak hug i pon time we met just now . u tak talk to me just for awhile . aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh . wanted to kill someone ah . I dont know what else i can do with this feeling . Its like . Its kelling me slowly deep inside .

tears

A thousand words couldn't bring you back,
I know because I tried.
Neither could a thousand tears,
I know because I cried.
You left behind a broken heart,
and happy memories too,
but I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

my secret life ! Four years*

Four years of holding hands
Four years of hugging,
Four years of laughing,
Four years of cuddling.

Four years of loving
Four years of kissing
Four years of touching
Four years of romancing.

Four years of your love
Four years of my love,
Four years of our love
Four years of true love.

Baby Four years with you
Is a years of happiness,
A years of passion,
A years of joy,
A years blessed.

my secret life ! Falls for you*

What make me falls for you ..



You make me feel special
You make me feel new
You make me feel loved
With everything you do

You hold me close when I am sad
You wipe the tears from my face
Every time we are together
It seems like the perfect place

I love the way you kiss me
The way you hold me tight
I love the way you touch me
I could be with you all night

I love the way you can make me laugh
For absolutely no reason at all.
I love how no matter what I do
You will be there to catch me when I fall

I just want you to know,
That even though we sometimes fight
I will always love you!
No matter what, day or night

my secret life ! All I need*

Your love surrounds me like the air that I breathe
Your kiss touches me as gentle as a breeze
Your touch is as tender as that of a child
Your hug is warm, meek, and mild
Each day we grow older and its plain to see
The love that you give me is all that I need.

my secret life ! What I love about you*

What I Love About You

Here's the truth .. What I love about you


The sparkle in your eye
The warmth of your skin
Your breath on my neck
That quivers within

The touch of your hand
The smell of your hair
The kindness in your smile
That strength in your stare

Your kiss on my lips
Your body near mine
The stroke of your touch
That feeling inside

The sound of your voice
Compassion in your embrace
The serenity in your stride
The power in your face

The calming of your presence
The beating of your heart
The promise of tomorrow
That we may never part

The beauty of your kiss
and that magic in your touch
It is for all these reasons and more
Why I love you so much

my secret life ! thinking*

Sometimes at night, when I look at the sky,
I starts to thinking of you and then ask myself, why?
Why do I love you so bad? I think and smile,
because I know the list could run on for miles.

The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch,
so many little things that make me love you so much.
The way you support me, and help with my emotions,
the way that you care and show such devotion.
The way that your kiss, fills me with desire,
and how you hold me with the warmth of a blazing fire.
The way your eyes shine when you look at me,
lost with you forever is where I want to be.
The way that I feel when you're by my side,
a sense of completion and overflowing pride.

The dreams that I dream, that all involve you,
the possibilities I see and the things we can do.
How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart,
how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part.
I could go on for days, telling of what I feel,
but all you really must know is my love for you is real.


Iloveyou Maizatul Nadirah !

my secret life ! counting*

"Asraff .. you should move on with your life .. you should .. its time for you to think about yourself . make friends with everyone and have fun with your life and enjoy and spend every min nicely .."


that what my friends said to me after I broke up .. what they said its true .. I should move on and have fun with my own life .. I can do that .. yeah now its easy for me to move on . but am the one who doesnt want to move on . and still waiting and hoping for her. heh . its weird . why am i waiting and hoping? maybe there's still love in my heart.. but yeah if I move on for sure I'll be someone else .. am not going to be a good guy . who knows rite?

but day by day passing by. Am scared that my feelings toward her will fade . Am worried I cant feel her love and her touch anymore . Am worried if I move on . something will happen to her .
Because when I move one .. am not going to keep in touch with her anymore . I wont care about her .. I'll change my numbers . I'll change everything . I'll delete all our pictures and maybe our memories . that's the right thing that I have to do if I move on . but not now .. at this time .. I wont move on and still holding for her ..

but there's 3 steps that you should know when the time I really really move on..

First step : I'll comment with girls back .. hanging around with girls ..

Second step : I wont call you or text you like 3weeks in the row... and another 1 week at
thursday I'll call you to check how are you

Third step : I'll give back your bracelet


the First step
baby .. that what I will do when the time come and that is my first step. I'll try to find a girl that can make me forget about you .. I'll hang out with girls to make myself happy. even though you know . when am with another girl . I will feel guilty because am not used to it.

the Second step
I wouldnt call or text you ..its like if suddenly I dont text you .. thats my second step . It will help me to try to forget about your voice and your manjaness things that can make me falls for you back..

the Third step
I will give back your bracelet that you gave be before you're off to London .. but you should know something about this part. If I still dont give back the bracelet to you .. you still have a chance to win my heart back .. and as long as the bracelet is still in my hand .. it means that am still love you and hoping for you to come back to me ... but you should know . its hard to you to win my heart back .. but if you really really want me .. make me falls for you .. and its not easy for me to give it back because .. the bracelet is the most precious thing and I love and I would die to protect that bracelet . so if I return it back . am sorry . my heart will close forever ..



I know .. all the steps is like bullshit and gila poyo .. but what the fuck . I dont give hell rite ? that is what I will do when the time come . ; )
a

my secret life ! True Love*

Four years Five months One day
That's how long we have been together.
We have got every moment hasn't been perfect
But still when its perfect it feels
Like we're the only two people who have something real


Two months Two weeks Four days
That's how long since we broke up
I couldn't believe it .. it happened so fast.
We were happy together.
Like Romeo & Juliet .
but .. things happened so fast ..
but there's something God wanted to show to both of us .
and I can feel it .

When you say you need me like the way I need you
And you cant be without me
Like I cant be without you
It's a Love baby .
Love that still in our heart.
and when we spend time talking on the phone
Talking about our memories and sweet moments
and sometimes you called me if you're alone and dont want to be alone
and I always there to comfort you..
baby cant you see? Its Love .. True love ..
Dont you know its good to be together ?
Believe me baby .. true love wouldnt make you cry and make your heart hurt everyday ..

Baby.. please wake up and see around you .. look at the people who you think love you ..
Is he really really love you ? ask yourself .. what makes you think he is inlove and love you ? if he really really love you .. he wouldnt hurt you like everyday .. he wont yeld and force you to do something that you dont want to do ..

and look.. what I know about love..

Now when the love is right
somehow you just know
because you hold it tight
And you dont want to let it go
And its so deep inside of you that
you just cant take it cause it fills up your heart
And you just , you cant replace the true love to someone who actually dont know what is the meaning of true love..

my secret life ! Tv9 carnival*

urghhhh TIREDDDDDDDD ! just now .. I just arrived home from rumah popo . heh . its a tiring day . Since yesterday 11.00 pm until 5.00am I went out. and I slept at popo's house . den 8.30 woke up and followed popo and we went tv9 carnival at shah alam with POPO and IWAN . hahaha. penatt tau takk . den we have to waited Dia fadila lagi . perghh . hahaha even though . its funny ;) . serious . lepak ngan popo with his artists gengs . hahaha. and and and wehhh .. that Popo told Dia fadila yang I minat gila kat dia and time dia nak balik .. she said like this .. " eh you eh yang suka i tu ? , not that kind for suka but cam minat " . I was like what the hell POPO . you told her? hahaha siall. then I was like tatau nak ckp ape . den ckpp ah.. oww yeahh . am the one. hahahahahaha . lawak gila time tu . den mak Dia pon da gelak gelak dah. Setan POPO .I was like maluuuuuuuuuuu gillaaa doh.. hahaha. den after that . .. we picked Nana at Uitm shah alam . Iwan's gf :) . She's nice . even though I just met her today. She's nice though :) den we went the curve for Woroeng Penyek something .. haha Nana wanted to eat that ayam penyek. it was the 1st time I ate it . hahaha SEDAPPPP giLA ... hahaha. sumpah it was delicious though .. den Ecah arrived .. Nana's sister . friend of popo's . hahaha den we gelak gelak there like hell cam buduh.. that popo buat lawak buduh dia like usual . heh . hahah .den we went back at popo's house to do Alexa's things. the tangs for this thursday at Zouk KL .. heh cant wait .. heh rinduu nya today .. but anyway . am tired and tak larat nk tulis blog lagi ;) . so haha thats my today story . agaga :P . so night .. take care. thanks for reading :))

my secret life ! Dont worry*

Do you worry about me?

Dont worry baby ..where ever I go .. I'll always be yours .
Its true . for me . am still yours .. am still part of you and you're still part of me . I just dont know.
why its hard for me to push you away from my life . I'm trying my very hard to forget about you. but .. it seems wrong . and yeah . I just have to face the fact that .. you're still part of me and Im still in love with you ..

No matter I go .. No matter how far far away from you . No matter I've new environment .. new chapter .. Im still yours . I still the old Muhammad Asraf that you knew . never change . : )

I Love you <3

my secret life ! I miss*

Your kiss,
Your smile,
Your mind, your sunlight in my eyes.
I miss..
Your breath on my neck, when we whisper .

Now I can't go on without you,
I'm naked,
I can't fake it,
I'm not that strong without you
Never thought I could love you,
The way I do



Baby , I need you, like the ocean needs the tide. :(

my secret life ! As long*

As long as waterfall flowing down the river
As long as stars shine the sky
As long as the river run into sea
As long as waves hits the sand
As long as wind blow the earth
As long as the sun bright our planet
As long as birds singing
As long as the moon lights the dark night

I'll be always be there for you

my secret life ! strength*

I have a strength to do everything

but

I don't have a strength to see you with other guy

my secret life ! Do you?*

Do you know its painful to see you with that guy ?
Do you know I've sacrifices things for you?
Do you know I'm bleeding inside?
Do you know that you're killing me?
Do you know that you treated me like shit?
Do you know you used me like am a recycle box?
Do you know that you are using me?
Do you know that when you say about him you make me sick ?

I guess you never know all that because you look at him and dont actually care about my feeling :(

my secret life ! Everything*

"how do I feel about you my everything"

Before I met you since our last contact. Since you be my girlfriend at primary school and until we broke up . Then we met all by sudden through MSN . That time I was like "oke this is my ex at primary . and yeah since we chatted everyday suddenly I felt something towards you . since I went to high school 3.1.2004 . my life is empty and what I know is playing around . but suddenly I met you back and starts from that moment . I'm falling in love with you .yeah I'm falling in love with you back wahai Maizatul Nadirah . and you shined my day and night . and I made my decision that I will ask you to be my gf 5.11.2004 and gave you 3days to give me the answer. and 8.11.2004 finally . you made your desicion .. you are officially be my gf and yeah words couldnt describe how happy I am . and since that day . youve shine and completed my day until we broke up 22.1.2009 . :S You
gave me strength . you gave me life . you gave everything . You teached me how to love someone and to be love by someone . You teached me everything that I couldnt do it alone . You gave me air for me to breathe . You are my everything .. You are my everything . Nothing your love wont bring . My life is yours alone sayang . The only love I've ever known . Your spirit pulls me through ... when nothing else will do . Every night I pray that you will always be my everything . These past 4years... all my hopes and all my dreams are suddenly reality . You have opened up my heart to feel a kind of love that's truly real . A guiding light that'll never fade . There's not a thing in life that I would ever trade for the love you give it wont let go . And I hope you'll always know that you're always be my everything .


I LOVE YOU UNTIL DEATH

my secret life ! Speechless*

You used to love me
You used to need me
and I know ..
You never meant to leave me
but you left me
When the time I needed you the most
You never know that , that time I really really need you .
am sick and wanted you to be there for me and hold me .
but you left me just like that .
You made me cried like a rain
but I let you to chose him without yelling or saying anything
because I did not have strength that time and let you walked away like that .
maybe its fate .. what we have been planned for our future .. definitely ....
and maybe its the best for us . best for you I guess
since you left me am trying my best to forget about you
but thats the hardest part

Sayang, you chose him .. you chose to be with him and forget about our relationship that we've build. you chose 1month than 4years.
I guess thats the stupidest thing that you have done
but I'd never blaming you on this
just be happy
You will be fine sayang .
I will pray for your happiness

Lots of love :)

my secret life ! Star*

There is only one star in my sky.
The star that faithful to me since the first it appeared
The star that always shine and sparkles my night
The only one star that I want to see every night
The star that completed my night
The star that always make me smiling all night long

but

The only one star in my sky is gone away
The star that faithful to me since the first it appeared been stolen
The star the used to shine and sparkles my night will shine to someone else
The only one star that I want to see every night would not ever coming back
The star that used completed my heart would not ever complete my heart again
The star that always make me smiling all night long is already gone and that star would not ever see my smiling face again .

my secret life ! Easy*

Its so easy for you to say "I'm sorry sayang"
You've done it again
The same mistake that you did

Wheres is your feelings?
When you did it again to me?
The same mistake that you did ?

Is this is your way ?
To appreciate my love?
That ive been giving you ?

Its hurt
When you left me and divided your love into two

But my love for you
I'd never regret it
because am the one who chose you to be queen of my heart !

my secret life ! Holding*

Faithfully, I trace your name while you sleep

It's the only true comfort I feel

I still run

I still swing open the door

I still think you'll be there like before

Doesn't everybody out there know to never come around

Some things a heart won't listen to

I'm still holding out for you

Holding out for you

my secret life ! I miss you*

I MISS YOU...

I miss you Maizatul Nadirah

I miss you so much
I miss your face
I miss your kiss
I even miss the arguments
That we would have from time to time
I miss you standing by my side
I'm dying here its clear to see
There ain't no you, God knows there ain't no me
Don't want to live, I wanna die
If I cant have you in my life

:(

my secret life ! She's gone*

She's gone,
Out of my life.
I was wrong,
I'm to blame,
I was so untrue.
I can't live without her love.

In my life
There's just an empty space.
All my dreams are lost,
I'm wasting away.
Without you by my side

Baby, would you save me?
My heart belongs to you
Only you.

Come back into my arms
I'm so alone,
I'm begging you,
I'm down on my knees
Please take my hands and hold me

my secret life story ! Am the one*

Maizatul nadirah .. theres something that you should know about me ..

You know that u are the perfect girl for me ? and you know that am loving you until now ? and yeah this is me .. the guy who loves you from the day he asked you to be his queen of his heart.

Am the one who love you from deep inside of his heart.

Am the one who will take a good care of you and makes you comfortable with me when am around and feels safe.

Am the one who always be there for you when u need me

Am the one who listen to you in every single thing .

Am the one who will sacrifice anything for you

Am the one who text every single morning and wish you good morning and good night even though am tired .

Am the one who always find time to spent time with his queen even though am busy .

Am the one who puts you my first priority than my own family .

Am the one hold you when you are crying and wipe away your tears

Am the one who thinks of you often throughout the day without the word boring

Am the one who cares about you more than anyone else because you are my # 1 shorty and my 1^st priority .

Am the one who thinks you are beautiful with no make-up on and just wearing only a plain shirt and normal jeans .

Am the one who listen to your stories without feel boring and keep your secrets like am your secret box.

Am the one who would not ever ever let anyone hurt you .

Am the one who always try not to hurt you even though sometimes I didn’t mean to .

Am the one who only drop my tears infront of you and when you wipe my tears .you feel my honestly

Am the one who would not ever pressure you to do something you don’t want to do

Am the one who calls you everyday to make sure you are alright .

Am the one who cant control the feeling of jealousy because am afraid and doesn’t want to lose you

Am the one who always tell you everything because you have the right to know about my secrets .

Am the one who always try to make jokes and try to make you laugh when you with me

Am the one who always tell that “ILOVEYOU” evey single day without feels boring saying that.

Am the one who will kiss you in your forehead and not expecting to kiss your lips because if I kiss your lips .. my heart will explode and it doesn’t always be in the mouth . ILOVEKISS you forehead J and yet kiss your lips . heee.

Am the one who always trying not to break my promises and hope that you trust me .

Am the one who will always be there when it comes the bad part and your down moment and I will always be faithful to you

Am the one who thinks that you’re the my only cure from the pain and my strength because u keeps me alive every single day .

Am the one who always turn excited when I see you and hang around with you.

Am the one who sometimes thinks its funny because if I mad at you.. and if you make one thing that I think its cute.. my ego will crush into pieces .

Am the one who always need you in my life and I don’t actually need anyone else to be around me because for me .. hanging around with you is the best part and always be my favv thing to do .

Am the one who would not ever find any girl accept you .

Am the one who not afraid to tell the whole world that am in love with you .

and and and

am the one who really really really want to make you the happiest girl in the world when you are with me .

but the end of the day .. am losing you to a jerk that doesn’t even appreciate you and not treating you like I did . someone who actually i didn’t trust to take a good care of you my princess .

my secret life ! From The Moment*

From the moment I looked into your eyes,

I saw stars sparkle

From the moment I kissed your lips,

Fireworks exploded

From the moment am in your embrace,
my heart is melting
From the moment you hold my hands,
I felt appreciated

From the moment you kissed my cheeks,
am flying with no wings
From the moment you said you love me
I believed it

BUT

From the moment you said you met someone,
my heart is crushing
From the moment you said you comfortable with him,
my heart exploded

From the moment you changed,
am dying inside
From the moment you walked away,
I wanted you to grab me from behind and hug me

From the moment you pulled my hands when I walked away,
I'm happy for a moment wishing you said all that was not true
From the moment you are with him,
I cried like a rain

&

From the moment you are happy out there,
am dying slowly everyday

my secret life ! promises*

16.10 p.m We promised that we're not going to be like this . We're not going to break up but but this you said to me before we left school .. please don't change after finish high school . please don't look and find and falling in love with someone out there. I need you in my life .. you're my everything and don't cheat on me because I cannot take that. I love love love love and forever I'll loving you and many promises that u promised to me . but who broke the promises ? who changed after we finish high school? am I ? am I falling in love with someone else? am I turned into someone that I'm not ? am I getting POPULAR ? am I getting HOT ? am I getting PLASTIC ? am I getting NEW LIFE ? AM I baby ? NO I AM NOT . but you are . you changed into someone that I don't even know . Where's my baby? where's my Maizatul Nadirah ? the girl that her attitude so comel .. manja .. childish .. matured .. independent .. think about future .. care about people around her and loves her family and friends and only her boyfriend .. where is she? and now .. you are not so comel anymore .. you are not matured anymore you are not Maizatul Nadirah that I knew . OH GOD . why you have to changed? is it cool ? is it nice? yeah for you , your new life now is happier than before . but until when? you forgot about us . your friends your family and me . did u ever call your friends? I guess you're not . because you have new friends out there at FOREVER 21 . I dont even know why I always thinking about you. maybe I miss the old Maizatul Nadirah maybe? I swear I love the Old MAIZATUL NADIRAH . the girl that watching movies with her friends NAD AND EZZA* watching korea's movie . the girl that hanging with her parents .. watching late night movie and stuff .. and the girl that used to called me sayang* baby* sweetheart* and always me me me ! but things changed like you said . and you grown up already . there's nothing much that I can do . accept accepting that you're gone . haih . but all the promises that we made ? I think its just a promises and a silly words.

my secret life ! When You're Gone*

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

here it goes...my first secret ! WHY *

1.43 a.m . chatting and waiting for her to call me now . she used to called me and kacau kacau me when she cannot sleep . haha miss that little shorty lah ! but hey everything changed . yeah things changed. ALOT ! I have to accept that she is not going to call me and kacau kacau me lagi . :( and yesterday March 1st .. for no reason .. actually have reason. haha :p all by sudden .. my heart is missing that shorty . wondering what she is doing . is she ok out there? is she happy ? but i guess she is happy with her new world. and me? haha have to face all these shits alone and with pain in my heart . hahaha . ;( why why why i have to face it by myself? why im still thinking about her? I just want her to get out of my mind. pleaseee ! for once..but I can't . Its not easy and its hard. urghh. Maizatul Nadirah . Am missing youu . yes I do . why you have to be so meannnnnn?? WHY WHY WHY Nadirah. I love you . eventhough you hurting me this bad but im still in love with you . You are my number #1 girl in myheart . but the question is .. why I still feel that love ? why ? I dont want to love you anymore. You hurting me like HELL . Am bleeding inside . I dont have a mood to do anything . accept for thinking about you. URgh . I HATE YOU ! ;( ......... Sayangg...." I MISS YOU I LOVE YOU " ... can you tell me that u LOVE and MISS me? can you say it ? but i guess your not going to say because you are happy with someone else. :) am happy for you baby ! YES I DO ! .. babee... I want to tell you my secret that I used to tell you. AM HURTING AND HEARTBREAKING when I see your pictures . You made me cry when Im looking at those pictures of you..the pictures of you with that guy . because I used to be that guy that hold you and carry you . I used to be that guy that made u laugh and smile non-stop . but things changed.and am not that guy anymore. ;') but babe. if you are happy with your life now. Am happy for you (: .